Friday, December 6, 2013

Surprises--I Love Them…I Love Them Not!



I’ve never been particularly fond of surprises, except if it’s an intimate one, especially, if a lovely gift accompanies it.  Then, bring it on.

But if the surprise involves numerous accomplices and is directed toward one person—me—then, No.  Thank.  You.

I’ll be honest; it’s a control issue already uncovered in therapy.  I don’t like not knowing or not being in control over something that’s happening to me.  But, to surprise someone else—I love it.  Which brings me to David. 

David was born in South Africa.  Our friendship began online shortly before I moved to Cape Town.  The words in his profile resonated with me and we arranged to meet upon my arrival.  From our first day together, it was like two souls from a previous life reuniting in the current.  He makes his spotlight entrance in my third book, which exposes my six months in Africa.   

David’s husband is Giovanni, who is originally from Europe.  Giovanni was living in South Africa when he met David.  A few years ago they relocated to a small village outside of Zurich.  I’ve made it a tradition to isolate and hide in Switzerland when I’m in the final stages of revising and editing each book. 

David and I spend our time editing while the cows and churches occasionally ring their bells in the distance throughout the day.  For a break to clear our heads we walk the trails through the rolling green land and breath the fresh Swiss air.  My body becomes cleansed by drinking the pure, clean water straight from the Alps through their faucet.  It helps wash down the three foundational foods that I gorge myself on while in Switzerland: bread, cheese and chocolate.  Yum. 

Their home provides the perfect antithesis from the horns, sirens, people, and concrete of Manhattan: seclusion, silence and nature.  Any creative blockage is flushed and I’m transported into the creative space needed to concentrate. 

David is a talented artist and was the center of attention with his first European solo exhibition on 26 October 2013.  Again, I’ll be honest, I told an itsy-bitsy lie.  Oops!  I said I couldn’t make the event and would only be able to arrive the following day. 

“I can’t believe you are going to miss my show by twenty-four hours!” he wrote me while swallowing the bait. 

He was extremely disappointed I would not be present for the realization of his biggest and oldest dream.  Enter, The Surprise. 

I arranged with our mutual friend, Bettina, to fetch me from the airport and bring me to the event.  Even our dear friend Aldrin and his husband Jens zipped in by train from Munich. 

Aldrin was also born in South Africa, but had just become a German citizen in September after marrying Jens three years ago.  We met when I moved to California in 2001.  He was already living there and we became trusted friends and confidants for each other through various dating and life adventures. 

Aldrin is also a gifted fashion artist and the only person I’ve had the privilege of reuniting, laughing, and creating new memories with on three different continents.  To say it is a unique bond and special relationship is an understatement.  He makes his debut in Book 2 and was one of the characters to be edited and revised on this particular trip. 

I introduced Aldrin and David when I left Africa and their friendship began with my departure.  But the three of us had never spent time together.  So it was a truly extraordinary opportunity for the painter, the fashion designer, and the writer to have some quality time growing friendships and being creative.  But before that would happen, The Surprise had to occur.   

David is the type of person who freely expresses his emotions.  He sobbed from the moment we arrived to the airport in Cape Town until he returned to his car as the reality hit that I was leaving.  He didn’t think he would ever see me again living on the opposite hemisphere and side of the world.  I was laughing from pure shock and amazement from his reaction.  I had never experienced such a tearful farewell and was humbled and deeply touched that it was for me.   

So I expected tears of joy escorted by laughter when I arrived at his exhibition.  The timing was perfect as Bettina peeked around the corner before I entered the venue.  David, Giovanni, Aldrin, and Jens were all going outside for a cigarette.  As I turned the corner, the star of the night was the first one in the doorway. 

But instead of smiles and excitement it was silence and shock, which stunned me!  Aldrin was knowledgeable of The Surprise but did not know when it would happen.  He assumed I would appear during the event.  So when I arrived before, he too was flabbergasted. 

Afterward I asked David what was going through his mind when he saw me.  He thought I was an apparition and didn’t believe I was really standing before him.  He thought perhaps remnants and ripple effects from the drugs he did in his past caught up with his brain and produced the illusion of me.  It wasn’t until Aldrin screamed and laughed that he thought maybe someone else saw me too and he wasn’t going mad.  From there it unfolds to the happiness and excitement I hoped. 

Of course, it was all caught on video and posted to YouTube:

'Surprising David' by Jason Anthony:


It was one-moment months in the making.  The arraigning and coordinating of life that it involved drained me, but was worth it.  I was thrilled to be there for David, and that the surprise worked.  However, it didn’t change my mind much if the same was done to me.  So, all YOUs out there…don’t get any ideas. 

Enjoy the video and if you’d like to check out David’s art or Aldrin’s designs go to:





Thursday, September 19, 2013

This Is 2013??



On 27 August 2013, my partner Derek and I went to see Lee Daniels' The Butler at our local cinema four blocks from our home in Manhattan---aka "NYC's world renowned gay neighborhood of Chelsea"---where we often see films.  

Although this time it was a much different experience.  

It was the first time that we went since two men who were holding hands as they left the same cinema were attacked a block away from it while going home from a movie less than two weeks prior on 14 August.  Both mens' injuries required hospital treatment.  

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/cops-search-group-assaulted-gay-men-article-1.1427235 

Before we left for the movie I was watching the local news.  It was reported that a transgender woman, who was beaten into a coma by a friend, allegedly moments after he learned his friend was born a man, in a possible hate crime.  The transgender woman had since died and the news was reporting whether the man would be charged with murder.  

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/uptown/transgender-harlem-woman-dies-days-assaulted-hate-crime-attack-article-1.1435038

I was shocked to hear but unfortunately it has become common in NYC news, especially this year, of such crimes.  The number of crimes against the gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual community--from slurs to felony assaults--in NYC is nearly double what it was in 2012.   

Both these crimes followed many other attacks throughout the year.  Some of which--to name a few--include:

-A couple attacked on 25 May by a group of men yelling gay slurs before one was punched in the face.

-The murder of a 32-year-old man with a single round shot to the head by a    homophobic gunman in Greenwich Village on 18 May.

-An attack on a couple walking arm-in-arm near Madison Square Garden on 5 May, leaving one with a broken nose. 

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/gay-bashing-attacks-rise-city-article-1.1430370

As we began the short walk that night, Derek, who was not home when I saw the news report, naturally grabbed my hand as we normally do whenever we leave our home together.  The report reminded me of the attack on the 14th and combined with the fact that we were going to the same cinema it instantly became more real the moment our hands connected. 

A feeling of uneasiness and anxiety filled me.  Although I did not want to bring it up to Derek and cause the same feelings in him.  But after a few blocks, I felt I wanted him to be aware.  I was also unsure whether I even wanted to continue holding hands.  

"Do you realize this is the first time we're going to the same cinema that the couple who were attacked a few weeks ago came from while also holding hands?" I asked him.  

"No," he said.  "I had not thought about it.  We don't have to hold hands if you don't want to," he continued as he let go of my hand. 

The fear in me made me pause for a moment before I pushed through it and grabbed his hand again.  

Then the memory of walking down the street with Derek while holding hands in Encinitas, California in 2010 entered my mind. 

"You better get the fuck out of here faggots before I fucking kill you!" a girl in her twenties shouted to us as she passed us on the street.

It was absolutely shocking to the core, enraging me at the same time.  I had experienced other slurs before but nothing that matched the intensity of feeling in her voice.  

"Fuck you!" I yelled back at her.  

After the incident and recalling the pure hatred and violence in her voice I learned that it is best not to respond with rage in return.  One just never knows what people may follow through with.  Unfortunately, that is a reality of the world we live in.

That experience gave pause and thought to where we hold hands, but never in our neighborhood, until that night.  

"That's not what I meant by mentioning it," I said.  "I just can't believe it's 2013 in New York City and we are now forced to think about and question our safety in our own neighborhood.  To be more cautious and aware.  We are not free to just be."

"It's shocking and unsettling to me," I continued, "It's just not right." 

We remained silent for the two blocks that we had left to the theatre.  I grew more anxious with the thoughts that two people, because of who they were, lost their lives so close in proximity to where we were walking.  

I just wanted to get into the theatre and sit down.  

Then thoughts that somebody may have seen us and followed us into the movie to attack entered my mind.  

'This is crazy!' I thought.  Now, the terror virus was spreading in my thoughts and waging war.  

'Enough!' I said to myself and took back control of my mind as we entered the theatre.  

As the movie about the Civil Rights movement of African-Americans played out before our eyes on the screen I couldn't help but make comparisons and feel an empathetic bond to what the LBGTQ community is experiencing today.  

There is a scene where a group of African-Americans choose to take a stance of love and not responding to any violence--mental, emotional or physical--as they sit in the 'white' section of a diner.  

Through yelling, spitting and having scolding coffee thrown in their face, and being thrown to the ground, the group of African-Americans stand silently united in strength while attempting to prevent the hate from penetrating their spirits.  

It is a hard scene to watch and my eyes teared up both for what was happening on the screen and has been happening just outside the doors of the theatre.  

But in the end you see the triumphs the African-American community makes slowly throughout the decades.  

It was empowering to watch.  

When the movie ended and we walked to the back exit, right before I pushed the door open, without hesitation, I grabbed Derek's hand, held on tightly this time without fear.

When we arrived at the corner of our street, Derek let go and said he was going to Duane Reade to get some water and that he would be home soon.  

I said, "Okay" then continued walking on home all the while the battle of terror waged in my mind.  

'Is he safe?  Yes, he'll be all right.  Maybe I should go with him.  No, it's fine.  But what if somebody saw us holding hands and now he's alone?  Shit.  What do I do?'

These thoughts, these feelings.  

It's just not right!

Back and forth, my mind tugged with the war of terror as I entered our home. 

Even though I was safely inside I still felt uneasy until Derek walked through the door.

"Jeez, now you've got me questioning my safety walking down the street," he said to me once home.  

"That's exactly what I mean," I responded, "This just is not right!"  

**Since the publication of this blog another hate crime occurred leaving another dead.

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/queens/queens-man-accused-murder-anti-gay-attack-article-1.1458173